6 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | FEATURE: WILL’S PEBBLES Will’s Pebbles by Ann Thomas Our wonderful son, Will, died in November 2022 of sudden cardiac death. He was a healthy, thriving 23 year old living in London with his girlfriend … and then he was gone. We all have different ways of trying to survive the total and utter devastation and trauma the death of a child brings into our lives; ways to try to patch up our broken and raggedy hearts. Some people exercise, run, walk, garden, but I have found that reading, writing and art have helped me to navigate the long days of this shattered life. At first I read many books on child loss, many of them borrowed from Mary Hartley who runs the Compassionate Friends library. She was so kind to me in those early months as I desperately read, trying to discover how bereaved parents survive. Since Will died I have also written a journal in an attempt to process my feelings, searching for words to help me express the inexpressible, to help me process the impossible horror. As we all know, words aren’t enough to express our strong emotions, but it gave me an outlet and still does. Since January this year I have been painting ‘Will pebbles’. I find this creative outlet calming, soothing, and quite meditative, focusing on the words and patterns. I can think of Will and try to clear my mind of all the day to day stuff… I don’t plan the design, I write his name on one side and meaningful, significant words or quotes on the reverse. The pen just flows and I go with the patterns that start to emerge. I often use orangey colours as I always think of orange, rust, amber as Will’s colours, mirroring his wonderful ginger hair … and in recent times his little ginger moustache! This project has developed. I have probably painted over 50 pebbles by now, of varying sizes, and I have started to give them to friends and family. I am asking them to take their pebbles on adventures with them, take photos of the pebble in significant/beautiful places and then leave it somewhere special (or keep it if they don’t want to leave it). I am then asking people to send me photos of the pebbles. Many people are taking them on holiday or just out and about locally. Two of Will’s mates are living in Berlin for a few months and they have a pebble which they have photographed at many landmarks in the city. We went to Berlin as a family when Kat and Will
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