8 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | NEWS FROM THE CATHARINE POINTER MEMORIAL LIBRARY Right from the beginning it was the library which attracted me most. As one of life’s bookworms I’d turned to books, at my local library and my local bookshop, for help and advice from other parents; Will I survive this? Do I want to survive? How do others cope? And, the biggest question, will it always hurt this much? Well, what a let down! I did find some general books about grief at the bookshop, and they were better than nothing, but my library was useless. The one book I did find there had a chapter about losing an adult child which started by telling me it was the same as losing any adult I cared about. I won’t express my feelings on that, because I don’t want to wear out the * button on my computer, but, even in my stunned and dazed state, I knew that was nonsense. Then I finally found my way to TCF and was put in touch with Catharine Pointer, the then librarian, and found what I was looking for. Firstly there was Catharine herself who was a beacon of hope in my darkness. She was so normal, buzzing around in her wheelchair, chatting to people on the phone, to all the people who came over her threshold, laughing at something the postman had said and just living a meaningful life; so survival was possible! Then there were the books, written by people who had walked in my shoes, telling me what had helped them, how they’d coped, telling me it wouldn’t always hurt that much and there was a chance to have a meaningful life again. I devoured the books, and they helped me so much. After a while I started to volunteer in the library, I visited it a few times a year in Suffolk when Gil Roberts was the librarian and eventually ended up running it myself. I recently talked to Debbie Enever about the library for a series of podcasts she’s made (more on that later) and she asked me to tell her something about the library that most people don’t know. I think it’s worth sharing here that our library is unique and is far reaching. I’ve been contacted for advice by other organisations supporting grieving people, by TCF groups all across the globe and also, interestingly, by the people who advise our public libraries on which books they need to stock. It had come out in their meetings that they weren’t addressing the needs of grieving people and were contacting support groups across the country for advice. So now if someone, who is in the state I was in twenty years ago, goes to their public library they will find books to help them and not a load of nonsense from someone who clearly doesn't have a clue. In the years since I first visited the library in Catharine’s home all those years ago more and more people are putting pen to paper and we have such a wide selection of excellent books to lend. Both of the books reviewed in Compassion this quarter are very welcome additions to our library and, as a tribute to Claire in this twentieth year, I’ve bought a copy of both to dedicate to her. Another reader has News from the Catharine Pointer Memorial Library by Mary Hartley I’m writing this in a state of disbelief that we’re nearly half way through another year. This is the twentieth year since my daughter Claire died and, by the time you read this, it will be twenty years since I first found TCF.
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