13 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | FEATURE - TCF STONE MEMORY QUILT full, it gets put on the shelf with the rest of them. One evening in late October 2023, I was lost in my thoughts about Alex, the weight, the burden and the great chasm he had left within me. Grief is exceedingly heavy, and we are forced to drag it with us wherever we go, behind the mask we have to wear. You will all know exactly what I mean. Simultaneously I was doodling in my sketchbook, as usual. Jolted back to reality, by a phone call, I wiped my tears and was astonished to see what I had drawn. This was inspiring, many are not. I realised I could create a large sculpture that would resonate with all parents who grieve. Out came the watercolours and ideas flowed. On the right, the mother is attempting to walk forward carrying a ton of stones in a backpack. Those that she could not fit in, she had sewn onto the bottom. The red threads (refering to the Chinese mythological ‘red thread of fate and connectivity’) stretched and the stones fell, some still attached. She was struggling on, through her own pool of tears, dragging stones and boulders behind her. This influenced the second sketch on the left. It is a patchwork quilt, made of stones. Regardless of the truth, my emotions will always tell me that I failed to protect Alex. With this in mind, I wanted the quilt to be charismatic at the top, signifying his childhood, followed by vibrant patches, representing his amazing knowledge of the world, his love, compassion and bravery. The heavier it gets, it gradually disintegrates in the same way as Alex did. His determination to help others led to his addictions. Eventually, only broken threads remain with stones plummeting to the ground – unrepairable. I could not repair my son. Quilts have always been important in my family with skills handed down through generations. My mother was a Durham Quilter and I have used quilting in my textile art work. I find the history fascinating, with the earliest evidence being from Ancient Egypt, circa 3000BCE. Patchwork quilts are universal, initially made for insulation and protection, which is what we hope to provide for our children. Utilitarian usage quickly developed into highly crafted and intricate quilts, with deep cultural meaning in pattern and colour, conveying identity, politics, story, resistance and memory – to name but a few. Once both sketches were done, I recognised I could attach the right image to the left to create one sculpture. I really don’t have any control of my overactive brain sometimes. In reality, it was impossible to create. I am too old to take on such a large sculpture – had I been younger it would have been hard enough! Besides, I would need a place to display it and was not prepared to go down through the process of approaching galleries. I was still puzzling how it could be made when, at the beginning of November, Mari Lewis posted her beautiful painted stone, in memory of her son Sam, on the TCF Facebook page. It occurred to me that I could make a digital Stone Memory Quilt for all of our beautiful children. I have worked in Photoshop for decades and knew it could be done. On 8th Nov 2023 I proposed the idea on our TCF Facebook page and parents responded positively. I do not think any of us thought that it would be as beautiful and meaningful as it has become. It is far better than the original sketched idea but I do regret not being able to accomplish the sculpture – maybe one day…. On 14th Nov 2023 I posted two of my painted stones for my son Alex. Two weeks later, Mari posted an image from a newspaper article about drug deaths at festivals. For copyright reasons I am not able to add the image. Now, looking back on the post, I am astounded that the field of tents looks so much like the quilt!! Art never happens in a vacuum, and this must have stuck in my subconscious. Without Mari’s post, this quilt, which started as ideas for a sculpture, would never have been in my mind. I was determined to paint the
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