4 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | NEWS FROM THE CATHARINE POINTER MEMORIAL LIBRARY terracotta pot that belonged to her. She called it her ‘Aztec pot’ because of the pattern round the outside. It wasn’t an expensive purchase, yet this pot has survived being outside through many winters. Would my garden be noticeably different without it? Not really – but the association, the connection, is what makes the Aztec pot special. And I will continue to fill it with lobelia, petunias and, of course, love, for as long as it lasts. I hope that despite your individual and unique grief situations, life over the summer brings you ‘pebbles’ rather than ‘boulders’. This is a new grief analogy to me: Pebbles are thoughts that you can kick away without dwelling on them – pebble-mongering is not permitted! On the other hand, boulders need to be faced, or climbed or tackled, in your own way and in your own time. Enjoy the sunshine when you can. Yours in compassion, Andrea When I think back 21 years to the spring after Claire died, my hay fever didn’t appear until we were much further into the summer even though I’d completely forgotten about both it and the medication. With hindsight it’s obvious to me that my usually overactive immune system wasn’t working at all, a common effect of grief, and what would have seemed like a welcome respite, if I’d given it a thought, was actually quite dangerous. I also remember that I wasn’t eating properly, firstly existing on Shredded Wheat for some reason and losing loads of weight and then comfort eating and putting it all back on again. My sleep pattern was all over the place, sometimes sitting up half the night or sleeping until midday and there were more than a few nights when I barely slept at all. My days were filled with inertia, exhaustion and feelings of anger, guilt and profound sadness while all the time I felt like I had a huge weight sitting somewhere in the centre of my body. I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this, and I am sure that many of you are feeling like it right now. For months I really didn’t care about myself, or my own health needs. By the middle of the summer I wanted to take back some control in my life, and to feel well enough to be able to get out of the house and walk in the fresh air without feeling worn out after a few minutes. Margaret Reckitt is also interested in the concept of wellness and self-care. She and her husband Jack very generously open their house in Mouret, France every year to provide a safe and peaceful haven for bereaved parents News from the Catharine Pointer Memorial Library by Mary Hartley I’m writing this in May, and the weather has been warm and settled for the past couple of weeks; the hay fever season is in full swing leaving me with itchy eyes and a tendency towards sneezing fits, despite the medication I take to keep it in check.
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