7 tcf.org.uk to live it. And I believe I have learnt how to do that. It still isn’t the life I want but I think I have now accepted that it is the one I have. There are good things in it. I have learnt to enjoy small pleasures, such as a sunny day, a walk in a beautiful place, the company of a good friend. The pain and sadness of losing Joe is still there and always will be, but I seem to have got used to it and have learnt how to live with it and around it. Joe is still an enormous part of my life. He occupies more space in my brain than anybody or anything else. But it is not all pain and sadness. There is also my love for him. Huge massive, wonderful love. That has not died. If anything, it has become stronger. So here I am, 13 years on. It’s that time of the year. Facebook is full of family camping trips, and I’m seeing all the “back to school” clobber in the supermarkets. Those things used to tear me apart. But I seem to have developed a tolerance to them now. My other two have grown up and are leaving home. My new life is moving forward, and Joe is there right in the centre of it. TCF is still a big part of my new life. I run a local group in Marlow, Bucks, and we support each other so well. I still cherish the times I spend with my TCF family, who I think are the only people who really understand me. So, thank you TCF for being there in the beginning when I was completely lost and for being a constant reassuring presence as the years go by. My son Dylan died on a Monday night in 2019. It came out of nowhere, a 'traumatic' death. When I woke up the next morning, I knew Dylan was in the house. He had been for the last 18 years so why would today be different? He was in the next room or downstairs making breakfast. It took a real and painful effort to convince myself that the events of the night before were real and that Dylan would never be anywhere again. The ensuing days were blurred by tears and a sense of dislocation (I can now identify this as the first stage of the grief process: "shock/ denial"). We held Dylan's funeral almost a month later. It was a grand affair in the former home of Neville Chamberlain and it wiped out my savings, but I think Dylan would have approved. We had no idea how many people would attend but despite being a big place it was packed. It was a very special moment, there was an incredible energy and unity in the room. My contribution was to read out two poems I had written about Dylan, 'Past Tense' asked people not to use the past tense to talk about Dylan (it still sounded wrong) and in the other I listed Dylan's bucketlist accomplishments, but berated him for never having got a tattoo. Losing Dylan by Ben Harpwood, Birmingham COMPASSION | FEATURE - LOSING DYLAN For more details of the Marlow support group contact helpline@tcf.org.uk or call 0345 123 2304.
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