Compassion, Winter 2020

Winter 2020 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 13 One of the consequences of Mark’s death is that I understand death from the inside. I feel an outsider of many things. Like seeing people playing ‘happy families’. It has given me a different perspective. I have to be quite careful around death and bereavement issues. You never did. No, I didn’t. Like a lot of people, I thought losing a child or children was unthinkable, impossible. I have met so many bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. Every fibre of my body, mind and spirit knows that death does not respect age, time or place. Over the years, people have stood in front of me, and I have felt like a mirror for their thoughts on death. ‘Ah, I expect Mark is in a better place.’ ‘It’s a blessing really.’ ‘Time heals.’ ‘I expect you are getting over Mark by now.’ ‘I can imagine how you feel.’ I can take almost any remarks except the last one. For they CANNOT imagine how a bereaved parent feels. How would you be if Mark were still alive? Do you think you would be more like me? That is impossible to know. I do not know what other experiences I would have had. Do you have any good advice? Take life one day at a time; the best advice ever. Do you remember Mark? Every day. I remember him every day. He was so full of life and vibrant. And I have some of his drawings, writings and pottery which I treasure. You must see I have been here with you in a way. There are good times I can remember, when Mark was smaller, younger. There is still a ‘we’, although different from the one before his death. Perhaps both of us could write to Jean Future together: A letter of hope and enduring love to her, that one day she might write to us, and draw strength from the fact that we are able to communicate with those parts of us we thought lost but now realise can be found and help support us. Perhaps together we could call on other parts of us from other times. That’s a good idea . Between us, we might be able to recall some happier times. It’s been good to exchange letters. Thank you. Bye for now and thanks. x I will heal in my own time and in my own way. Angie Cartwright