Compassion, Winter 2020

Winter 2020 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 15 2. Be gentle with yourself • If you can’t face the shops use catalogues or the internet or ask a friend. • Don’t be afraid to say NO. If you can’t face parties or extended family invitations don’t go. If you do go, and want to come home early, do just that. Accept any help that’s offered. If a friend asks what they can do to help, tell them; they’ll probably be pleased to be able to do something, maybe some of the shopping or just being with you for a walk. • Have some ME time. Make yourself a quiet space to retreat to when you need to. A nice hot bath full of bubbles sounds good and jigsaws or the new ‘adult colouring books’ can be a therapeutic and relaxing way to spend an hour or two Realise you’re going to feel pain and express your feelings in words, writing (poems or a journal), in painting or music or whatever else you like to do. 3. Make changes in your traditions • Maybe go right away from home and have a holiday (although this might be difficult in current circumstances) • Maybe volunteer for a good cause • Change the way you do things at home. Don’t decorate if you don’t want to, eat out or at a different time and there’s no law that says you must eat turkey on Christmas day. Don’t go to relatives, or have the family come to you, if you don’t want to. • All the books recommend planning ahead, so you’ve got an idea of the shape of the day, while remaining flexible in case you find you just can’t cope with what you’d planned. 4. Above all honour your child at Christmas • Say their name, talk about them and don’t allow others to act as though they never existed. • Buy a special ornament, something you feel makes a connection with them. Light a candle for them and have it flickering away during Christmas. • Take decorations and/or flowers to the cemetery or to a place that was special to you both. If you’re going away you can do that before you go or after you get home. • Buy them a present, something they would like and which you can keep in their room or their special place in your home. • Donate to a charity in their name or maybe buy a present for someone who has very little at Christmas. Also homeless shelters are always grateful for gifts of food. I hope this is helpful at this very difficult time of year. TCF also has a leaflet about dealing with special occasions which you can access on our website tcf.org.uk/copingwithchristmas I wish everyone a peaceful Christmas. With best wishes from Mary Hartley