Compassion, Winter 2020

Winter 2020 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 16 Book Reviews We are always looking for people who are willing to review books for us. Please contact Mary at the library (address on back page) if you would like to help in this way. This book was reviewed previously but we thought it was worth getting a bereaved dad’s view of it. Also, as I receive feedback from library users who have read it, I’ve noticed that parents whose only child has died are relating to it strongly. The following review is written by John Robertson. Mary Hartley There have been many books written about child loss but they are mostly written by bereaved mothers and it’s quite unusual to find one written by a father and even more unusual to find one written by a childless father. ‘Eggshells’ is the story of the aftermath and effects on Bryan Clover, the author, of the death of his thirteen year old daughter. Evie, from a brain tumour. This book includes the Wednesday Wisdom pieces written by Bryan for the TCF Loss of a Child facebook page to which Bryan is a regular contributor. It comes across as an exercise in catharsis for Bryan, an outlet for all the pent up emotion. It isn’t intended to be a guide to grief; it is a man saying it as it is. Reading it as a man who is also a childless father, I can empathise with much of what is said. Bryan talks of the special relationship between fathers and daughters, a totally unique unquestioning bond of love and trust, and the terrible feelings of guilt and failure when, even through no fault of your own, that trust is broken. The great warrior defender? Bloody useless when he was needed! Many men perceive themselves in that way and I know I did. Bryan goes on to ask the great CP (childless parents) questions. What am I now? Am I still a father? He has no answer to these questions and neither do I! Nothing escapes Bryan’s rage, from family and friends who drift away - to the NHS, to the ‘muggles’ who can never understand. (Muggles is a term that has been used for many years, particularly by CP groups). This is all understandable and puts into words what we’ve all experienced at times. There are useful self-help suggestions such as not being afraid to seek medical help and the benefits of exercise. Bryan does a lot of walking and finds it therapeutic. This is not an easy read, as Bryan himself agrees, and it may not give any great insights, but that’s not the intention. It’s written with honesty and heartfelt emotion and, as stated previously, is a bereaved dad saying it as it is. John Robertson Eggshells by Bryan Clover