Compassion, Winter 2020

Winter 2020 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 4 Reflections from the Editor Dear Friends I’ve just come back from a much needed walk. The sun came out this afternoon for a couple of hours after all the rain this morning and I’m now sitting by the fire, cup of tea in one hand and iPad in the other, and glancing up from time to time at the golden leaves from the huge pear tree in my front garden, swirling past my window. Whatever happens in the coming weeks, whether under lockdown or not, I remind myself that I can always go out and walk, come back, put the kettle on and have a cup of tea. I’m thinking of us all at this very difficult time, and especially those of you who have suffered the loss of a child, sibling or grandchild this year. To lose a loved one is traumatic enough without all the restraints placed on us by Covid. And to add to it all, we’re approaching the ‘festive season’. It really annoyed me to see the local garden centre already sprouting tinsel and Christmas decorations and it was still October. I remember one year in my local supermarket, I just managed to restrain myself from picking up a large cooking apple and flinging it at the singing Santa. Many of us dread Christmas and all the emotions it can bring and especially those of us in the early years of bereavement. The main thing is to do what’s right for you. Easier said than done; how do you balance the needs of family and friends and your needs. For very good advice written by our members on how to tackle Christmas, do read the articles on our TCF website (tcf. org.uk ). Click on ‘Find Support’ on the top bar then on Coping with Christmas. Mary Hartley, our librarian, has also written, in this edition, about how we can help ourselves get through Christmas. Then there’s New Year’s Eve to get through. We’d made plans for Christmas that first year but we hadn’t given a thought to New Year’s Eve. I was overcome with grief. The words ‘new year’ made me think of the whole year stretching ahead without my daughter… I was leaving her behind… many painful thoughts and memories… But I got through it. We lit candles for her on New Year’s Eve, one on her grave and one at home and that really helped. But the thought of the new year stretching ahead and having to cope with it all… that was too much. Finally, after dipping into a couple of very helpful books, I decided to take their advice and write a New Year’s list. 1. Live one day at a time, or even one moment at a time; don’t try and imagine the whole year ahead 2. Look after myself, remember to eat, and go for a walk each day 3. Don’t forget to breathe 4. Be gentle with myself. Don’t beat myself up. Laugh at myself when things don’t go as they should Gina Claye