Compassion, Winter 2020

Winter 2020 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 9 As I write this, the regulations regarding the pandemic seem to be changing every day. Wales has just gone back into a total lockdown, parts of the country are under stricter controls than others and most of us are somewhat confused! One thing that’s becoming very clear to me, from the letters and emails I’m receiving, is that this whole situation is making life even harder for newly bereaved parents. So many things, from difficulties with hospital visits to restricted numbers at a child’s funeral to delayed inquests and coroner’s reports, are adding to the devastating grief we already feel. When you add the increased isolation and the difficulty for supportive friends and relatives to rally round, the added pain is horrendous. Thankfully TCF continues to function to support us all and our library is part of that. I’m not able to get physically to the library as often as I’d like to, because I don’t feel comfortable using public transport at the moment, but I am getting there every two to three weeks and all the requests for books are being met. It’s got to the stage where my local post office don’t weigh my parcels any more or ask me what’s in them; they just say, “All under 2kgs and all books? Ok pass them over”. Nobody’s ever asked me where all these books are coming from and I wonder whether they ever talk about it or whether they’re just not interested. Or maybe they’ve googled TCF because the address is on the back of all the parcels! Anyway, to get to the books, I do have plenty to help newly bereaved parents and, if you are someone who likes to read, they can be good companions during these hard times. Please do send me an email (library@tcf. org.uk ) and I will get some books sent to you as soon as I can. There are some which are particularly helpful during those awful first weeks and months and I tend to send them to nearly everyone. The ones that come immediately to mind are ‘Upright With Knickers On: surviving the Death of a Child’ by Gina Claye, which answers so many of our questions and offers so much advice and support, and ‘Our Children’ edited by Ena Mirren which is an anthology written by lots of bereaved parents just saying how they felt and how they coped. Both of these books were written by and for members of TCF and reading them feels a bit like having a chat with a good friend. The others that I usually recommend are Gill Hartley’s ‘Aspects of Loss’, which is particularly helpful for parents whose only child has died, and ‘Dear Parents: letters to bereaved parents’ by Joy Johnson. Another favourite is ‘For the Love of Mike’ by Anne Phillips which, as well as telling the very moving story of Anne’s son who died when he was 18, also contains the articles on grief she wrote for a newspaper. It’s a wonderful book for dipping into and finding answers to your questions. Anne grasps the nettle and gives some advice for coping with Christmas, as does Gina, and I know that dreaded season will be looming large when you read this. We do have other books in the library which can help with this very difficult time of year and some years ago I went through them and extracted their best advice to put into one document which is now on the TCF website. I think I probably need to mention ‘ A Broken heart Still Beats’ , which I reviewed last time News from the Catharine Pointer Memorial Library