Compassion, Winter 2021

Winter 2021 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 12 The patient I saw all those years ago achieved her therapy goals and created a life for herself alongside her grief. What I had omitted to factor into my fears and doubts was her own human resilience, strength, and determination. I continue to reside at the edges of my black hole, but like her, somehow I have managed to create a sort of life around the periphery. I still slip down into it quite often, and it can take a while to locate those footholds and clamber out, but I persevere. Because, well if she could do it... Ligia Kašanin My brother David I never really knew David, but he’s always been there. He died of leukaemia when he was six and I was not yet one, too young to remember playing with him. There’s a picture in my parents’ kitchen of him holding me. I gaze at the camera, my eyes intent on something behind it. He sits straight in a big-collared 70s shirt, his arms comfortably around me. Soon I would become an only child. We used to visit his grave, and we talked about him. But however shattered my parents were by his death they never wanted my childhood to be defined by his absence, or their loss. And so he was in the background, as I rushed down pavements on a skateboard, read books and fought fearsome beasts on my ZX Spectrum computer. “When dealing with the pain and grief of a child’s death, take time to do the work of grief. Grieve in the way that works best for you, talk about your feelings, be gentle with yourself, and remember that this is not a path that needs to be walked alone. There are loving and caring people who are willing to be there with you. Reach out, get support, and know that only the strong know how to ask for help.” Howard Winokeur, PhD, and Heidi Horsley, PsyD., TCF US