Compassion Magazine Winter 2022

Winter 2022 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 10 was Harriet Sarnoff Schiff’s “The Bereaved Parent”. This is one of the first books written for bereaved parents, by a bereaved parent, and I found it so wonderful to be able to read something that spoke to me in such a personal way, by someone who understood so well what I was going through. Until I got to the last chapter that is, a chapter entitled “bereavement and the rest of your life”. In this chapter the author writes things like now I find myself and my family going and doing and functioning and taking a joy in life and its challenges (p142). I was not at all impressed by that and, in fact, I threw the book at the wall thinking ‘well you might say that, Harriet, but that will never happen to me; I’m never going to be able to function or feel happy again, it’s just not possible’. In fact she was absolutely right and life does become meaningful again but it’s so very difficult to be able to visualise that in the beginning. One book that can often convey the hope that it won’t always hurt so much is entitled “Dear Parents” and it’s a collection of letters written to newly bereaved parents which speak directly to you as you struggle to even breathe, let alone live any sort of life. Most of them are written by parents, some by siblings and some by ‘Caring Others’, like Elizabeth Kubler Ross. I like this book because the connection between writer and reader is quite immediate and personal. It’s a great book for dipping into and just taking from it the words that help you. We have plenty of other books in the library to help you, no matter how short or long a time it has been since your son or daughter died so please do contact me for help or advice at any time. Although it’s October now, it’ll be December by the time you read this and Christmas and New Year won’t be far away. Some of us get through by going away from home, some of us change the way we celebrate and some of us don’t celebrate it anymore; whatever gets you through. I think it must be very hard indeed for those of you who have young children and have to at least go through the motions and if you’d like me to look in the library for something that might help, please do let me know. Some time ago I went through our books and picked out the best bits of advice for getting though the next month and that advice is on the TCF website along with loads more good advice written by others. There’s also a booklet entitled ‘Coping with Christmas’ which you can download. Above all remember you’re not alone. The helpline will be available and there will be support on the facebook pages. Christmas is a time most of us struggle with, whether our grief is old or new, but we can lean on each other to get us through. I’ll just finish with a poem by Sascha Wagner. Sascha was a bereaved mum and was a member of TCF in the USA for many years. This