Compassion Magazine Winter 2022

Winter 2022 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 16 also angry. Angry when I was driving, angry with other people, angry with myself. My mind endlessly wandering and wondering. If only, if only ….. I can’t remember quite how it started, but I imagine it was my wife, Jo, who suggested it. Why don’t you try meditating she said? I’d never done this before, although I had been involved in mindfulness projects as part of my business activities. Like so many of us, I had a mindfulness app on my phone but had never opened it. Starting with the beginners package on Headspace, I began sessions during our family holiday to Italy in the August after Rory’s death. He should have been there of course, but as it was, the four of us went and tried to get through as best we could. As we travelled I found surprising, if short-lived, comfort doing short meditation practices in the gardens of Airbnb’s, in Venice and Florence. As I progressed through the course over the following weeks, I found the process of sitting or lying down for 10, 15 or 20 minutes, a huge release. Of course painful thoughts would come up, but I found the invitation in the guidance to focus on the breath and let thoughts go (as much as I could) hugely liberating and relaxing. From this small start and across the last four years I have found meditation and mindfulness to be a massive support. My mindfulness journey continuing, I took part in a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course, with the Mindfulness Network in 2019. I also attended a few wonderful short retreats in 2019 and early 2020 and when the pandemic hit, which greatly impacted my business, I set out on a path (initially online) to become a mindfulness teacher. I am now qualified to teach mindfulness and also a trustee of the Mindfulness Network charity itself. As I move forward with my life, I want to spend more of my time in this world, working mindfully in the community and with businesses. Most importantly, as I have developed my understanding of mindfulness, not only do I benefit from a sense of relaxation and calm as I meditate and in everyday life, but I also understand that the process helps in dealing with painful thoughts and includes techniques that can productively assist in turning towards (rather than away) from difficulty. What has become apparent is, that before the death of my son I wasn’t really aware of the world that I was living in. It has taken suffering the trauma of his death, to really make me notice the present moment, the world around me in any given moment and the things that really matter.