Compassion Magazine Winter 2022

Winter 2022 - Compassion | www.tcf.org.uk 4 Reflections from the Editor Dear Friends First of all I should like to thank so many of you for your good wishes while I was recovering from my hip operation after falling over a stool in my sitting room - so stupid! And huge thanks to Mary Hartley and Carolyn Brice for making sure that while I was out of action, you had an excellent Autumn edition of Compassion. And now we’re facing the build up to that festive season, Christmas. Why does it all have to start so early… adverts on tv, shops full of Christmas items weeks ahead. I still remember, that first year, walking into a supermarket and wanting to pick up an apple and throw it at the singing Santa. Like those of you newly bereaved I didn’t know how I was going to survive that first Christmas after Nikki died. How could people think of celebrating after we had lost our precious child. We were absolutely devastated. How was I going to survive? I think what helped me most was lighting a candle. Wherever I went I lit a candle for her. And then, after Robin died, it was two candles together … on the dining room table, in the garden and on their grave - and in the churchyard on Christmas Eve, we saw that there were candles flickering on several other graves… it was so comforting standing there silently together… I did get through that first Christmas but was totally unprepared for New Year. I felt we were going into another year leaving her behind. I no longer feel like that. As the years have gone by the feeling that I am carrying both my children with me in my heart has got stronger. I think it’s a good idea to have a plan for both Christmas and December 31st. Above all do what feels right for you. Don’t feel you have to go to festivities with friends or family if you don’t think you can cope with it. Don’t allow others to dictate how you should get through this very difficult time of year. Allow yourself a way out. Tell people you’ll come for a short while if you feel able to and will leave when you feel you need to. There are no ‘oughts’ and ‘shoulds’ for us bereaved parents and siblings. We do what we feel we can cope with and sometimes we need to escape, to be with others who understand, to sit quietly on our own or to sink into a warm bath. Gina Claye