20 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | SIBLING GRIEF - FEATURE: THOUGHTS ON ADULT SIBLING GRIEF For the first and last time, having only one sibling, I have experienced this form of grief. I lost my older brother Peter to cancer in November 2017. He was 65. In an ideal world, brothers and sisters share a deep, loving bond and are emotionally close. Unfortunately, the relationship between Peter and I was somewhat stormy and there were long periods in our adulthood when we were not in contact. But the unique relationship between my brother and I is nonetheless significant, and it brings its individual aspects to loss. The grief felt complex, and I wondered at this until a friend said to me, “Your relationship when he was alive was complex. So why would you be surprised if the grieving process is complicated?!” Wise words indeed. Peter wasn’t the kindest big brother, and he had a talent for belittling me which often made me feel defensive towards him. The flipside of this was that, certainly in adulthood, he wanted a loving relationship with his sister, even if circumstances conspired to make this difficult. We had some exceedingly tense times when, in our teens, Peter began to experience significant problems with what was then termed manic depression, now more commonly called bipolar disorder. Anyone who is close to another person with this diagnosis will know that it makes for testing relationships. The periods of Peter’s illness affected our ability to have a consistent relationship. He lived abroad for some years and eventually settled back in Southwest England. Peter’s anchor was undoubtedly his son, whom he loved dearly, and they were able to forge a good relationship despite the various problematic times. In recent years, Peter and I had gradually and tentatively built bridges in our relationship, and I am glad that we were back in contact when he was diagnosed with liver cancer in December 2014. His treatment was not well tolerated, and he died in hospital in November 2017. Thoughts on Adult Sibling Grief by Andrea Corrie Andrea & Peter
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