36 tcf.org.uk Volunteer and former ViceChair of Trustees Sue Hughes, who was a great friend, shares her tribute to Gina. I first came across Gina several years before I actually met her in person. It was a few months after my son had died and I was not coping at all. My friends and family were starting to get fed up with me. Trying to get me to engage in life again. Socialise. Stop crying. I just couldn’t see a way of doing that. One of the bereavement counsellors I went to see had a range of books on grief and I came away after one session with Gina’s now famous collection of poems entitled “Don’t Let Them Tell You How To Grieve”. The poem with that title was a revelation to me. I particularly remember the lines: “Refuse that kindly meant invitation. If you don’t want to go, say so.” And: “Have tomatoes on toast for breakfast lunch and tea”. Those words were so very helpful. I felt they gave me permission to be dysfunctional at a time when that was what I needed to be. There was another poem in that book about getting in the car to go somewhere but always arriving at Tesco’s. Even though that was not supposed to be where you were going. I had been doing that a lot. Driving without realizing where I was going. That poem of Gina’s told me it was OK that I was doing that. I wasn’t going completely mad. I was grieving. I remember feeling relieved that other people in my situation had done similar things and actually it was quite normal to be behaving like I was. Thank you so much for that Gina. Many years later I met Gina properly. We happened to both have had our arms twisted to join to the TCF board of trustees at a time when the charity was going through a difficult time. We became great allies on that trustee board, and with the masterful leadership of the fabulous Margaret Brearley, we helped turn the charity into the wonderful organisation it is today. To say Gina was a force to be reckoned with is a massive understatement. She may have been small in stature, but she had a mighty determination to do the right thing, and she always spoke up if things didn’t feel right. Gina always had the needs of bereaved parents as her prime focus, and we worked together to establish new avenues of support including various new TCF retreat weekends. She was particularly involved in establishing and running the weekends for the newly bereaved and those for parents bereaved by suicide or substance use. She had a gift with words and would usually head up the candle lighting at these weekends, holding the audience with her presence and softly spoken messages of love and kindness. These weekends will not be the same without our beloved Gina. Gina and I lived fairly close to each other, and we often travelled together to TCF trustee meetings and supportive weekends. She always insisted on driving. She had a very snazzy red sports car, and she was certainly not a timid driver! TCF NEWS | IN MEMORIAM
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