4 tcf.org.uk Coping with Christmas Shared by Annette Mennen Baldwin, TCF Katy, Texas in memory of her son, Todd Mennen. It has been nearly five years since my only child died, but this will be my sixth Christmas without his unique enthusiasm, anticipation and happiness at the prospect of the holiday season. After two rocky attempts to handle the holiday season, I gave myself permission to do what I wanted to do. I am not accountable to anyone for my ups and downs at the holidays. Last year was easier than the previous year and that year was easier than the one before. But there is a reason for this: in talking with other members of our Compassionate Friends chapter, I realized that I owe no explanations. Therefore, I make it easy on myself and on those who love me. Instead of getting caught up in the commercialism of the holiday, I contemplate the true meaning of the season and initiate activities that have little to do with the season. I intentionally avoid Christmas because it is, simply too painful for me. Others in our Compassionate Friends group have returned to their normal celebrations with children and extended family. Some have modified their traditions; a few have chosen to take a trip and escape the holiday memories entirely. We give ourselves permission to handle this time of year in a way that is most soothing to us. If we do not do this, we suffer setback after setback in our grief. We often make small concessions for others in our family, of course. But are we really in the spirit? Probably not. Does it really matter? Probably not. Each year I now put a wreath on our front door. I buy a gift for an underprivileged child and include a card that is signed with my son’s name. I send gift cards to those who I am morally obliged to remember and buy small gifts for friends and family who truly appreciate the thought and effort I have made. That’s Christmas now. I have given myself permission to handle it in the only way that keeps serenity, peace and hope in my heart. Reprinted with thanks from TCF Winnipeg Chapter Newsletter COMPASSION | FEATURE: COPING WITH CHRISTMAS Christmas by Howard Thurman When the song of the angels is stilled, When the star in the sky is gone, When the kings and princes are home, When the shepherds are back with their flocks, The work of Christmas begins: To find the lost To heal the broken To feed the hungry To release the prisoner To rebuild the nations To bring peace among the people To make music in the heart. More tips for coping There are some useful tips on coping with Christmas on the TCF website at tcf.org.uk/copingwithchristmas
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