9 tcf.org.uk COMPASSION | NEWS FROM THE CATHARINE POINTER MEMORIAL LIBRARY To live with the constant awareness that your sibling has been murdered must be very hard and ‘My Sister Milly’ by Gemma Dowler, addresses that trauma. It’s a difficult read but throws light on the enormous, life changing, effect the traumatic loss of a sibling has and how help from therapists and counsellors can enable you to find your way back to some sort of inner peace. Knowing your sibling has died from suicide is also very traumatic and, in ‘An Empty Chair: Living in the Wake of a Sibling’s Suicide’, Sara Swan-Miller has both written about her own sister’s suicide and has talked to over 30 other siblings bereaved by suicide. If you’d like to borrow any of these books or would like me to recommend others for you, please do get in touch. I really can’t finish without writing about my dear friend Gina Claye with whom I spent so many happy hours, in person, on the phone or by email talking about books and words and poetry, as well as genealogy and knitting, and all sorts of other things. We have two of her books in the library ‘Upright with Knickers On: Surviving the Death of a Child’ and ‘Don’t Let Them Tell You How to Grieve: Bereavement Lines to Let You Know You’re Not Alone’. The first is exactly what it says it is, a book to help you survive, and it covers just about every aspect of grieving for a beloved child. As well as Gina’s own kindness and wisdom there is a lot of input from other bereaved parents, and some from grandparents and siblings, and it’s a wonderful resource for our library. The second is a collection of Gina’s poems written after her daughter Nikki and son Robin died and each poem is accompanied by Gina’s reason for writing it. My favourite is called ‘Facing Death’. Gina writes that she can’t know what would happen after she died, it is too big a concept for her to grasp, but she instinctively felt that the great love and energy that was in her children must be somewhere, and couldn’t have just disappeared. She knew for certain, as we all do, that two of her children had already gone through the barrier of death so she would not be leaving them behind. I’ll miss Gina a great deal and I hope she is at peace now and has been reunited with Nikki and Robin. With love from Mary x Facing Death by Gina Claye I do not fear death or even dying, like some do. For when it comes, you will be waiting I will be with you. Mary Hartley, TCF’s volunteer librarian can be contacted at library@tcf.org.uk
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