Coping with Christmas 2021

After your child has died, the arrival of the Christmas season can feel most unwelcome. The whole world seems to celebrating. Everybody appears to be obsessed with preparations that go on for many weeks. There is no escape – Christmas is all over the shops and streets, on TV, radio, in magazines, and on the web and social media. This can leave you, the bereaved parent, feeling alienated and isolated by your grief. As you contemplate Christmas – especially in the early years of your bereavement – you might wonder how you will survive. All of the talk about family reunions can make your heart sink, as you know that your child will not be with you during these days. The enormous gap left by their death is intensified. Bereaved parents often feel they just want to ’cancel’ Christmas. Christmas cannot be the same as it was because the family unit is not the same. It is not complete. If this is the first year, it will be painfully different from previous years. You may find the anticipation and stress of what you ‘should’ be doing very hard to deal with. Do you decorate the tree, send cards, give presents, attend a place of worship, join in the festive meal, go to a family party? If you have younger children or grandchildren, do you continue with important traditions of trips to the shops, the decorations, a pantomime, and a visit to see Father Christmas? If you are a lone parent, you may now find ourselves literally alone in your home. Many bereaved parents find the run up to Christmas – with all the accompanying anticipation – can be more difficult to cope with than the actual day itself. The New Year celebrations looming in the background may be equally unwelcome. We hope that some of the ideas below might help and support you as you prepare for the holiday season… • Do what feels right to you. Don’t allow other people to dictate how you should get through this extremely difficult time of year. Don’t feel you have to go to the office party or festivities with friends/extended family if you can’t cope with them. • Sometimes you don’t know what you will feel like doing until the last minute. Don’t feel you have to give others advance notice. Tell people you will decide on the day and you will come if you feel up to it, but may well not be able to. • You might like to develop a Christmas ritual involving your child – attend a candle-lighting service with other bereaved parents; spend time at a special memorial place on your own or with others; make or buy a special card or decoration for your child. Coping with Christmas