Coping with Christmas 2021

• You may want to tell people that you need to have your child acknowledged by others at Christmas – to see their name in a Christmas card or to remember them with a toast during a festive meal means so much. Some people would be scared of doing this unless you tell them. • Some parents don’t send cards at Christmas any more. Others like to include their child’s name – for example - “Love from X x and x and always remembering xx”. You can also ask others to include a similar sentiment on any cards they send you. This small gesture can really lift a parent’s heart. • Let close friends or family know that you are struggling and need to be able to talk about your child at this important family time. • With family members or others you are close to, try to talk together about how you are feeling , or what you all might want to do. Thinking and talking together can help you to prepare yourselves for Christmas, and sometimes when these plans do go right, the day can bring surprising comfort. • If you have young children, be aware that they might wish for Christmas to carry on as before. Although this can be enormously painful for you, for surviving children the normality of Christmas celebrations can be important. Watching them enjoy themselves may be satisfying, although still painful. • Don’t put too much stress on yourself. If there are difficult relations who expect to visit or for you to visit them, just say you can’t do it this year if it’s going to make you feel worse. Alternatively, introduce a time limit - “We’ll come over for a quick drink but will only stay an hour.” • Spend time with people who understand. Where possible, avoid those who don’t. • On the day itself, make time for yourself to escape if things are too much. A walk outside can really help ease tensions. Or take yourself off for a long warm bath. • Some parents find that volunteering for a charity helping the homeless or elderly over Christmas is a positive distraction. You are helping yourself and doing good too. • Try to take some gentle exercise every day. This helps boost those much- needed endorphins. • If you can’t cope with the idea of Christmas at all, go away and do something completely different. (Be aware, though, that sometimes being away from supportive friends or family can be more difficult and the jollity of strangers may be painful.)