Coping with friends family and social situations

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Talking about our child – bringing them into the conversation For those in our social circle who avoid mentioning our child at all, we might try to bring them into the conversation. If our child was alive, we’d talk about them. They are still living in us and in our memories. Why not talk about them now? Not everyone might react well, or there could be an uncomfortable silence. On the other hand, it might make them feel easier about talking about our child. There is no obligation on us to do this. It is up to us what we want to do to keep our child’s memory alive. • When I go out with friends for a meal, I often mention in passing something about what my child might have chosen from the menu. This might be met with awkward silence, but other friends have become used to it and will even add their own remembrance anecdote • I sign my child’s name on Christmas cards – “And remembering P” – because they are still a part of my family. I love it when people do the same in return! Responding to inappropriate comments or questions Some people will offer unwelcome opinions about our child or they may want to know details about what happened. We need to remember that this is our grief for our child and we are under no obligation to share any information. Some examples of responses used by other parents: • “I don’t want to talk about that” • “That’s private for our family” • “Would you mind not talking like that about (my child)? I don’t think you’re in a position to understand their situation.” • “I’d appreciate you not asking me the details.”