Coping with friends family and social situations

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Some people respond by congratulating us on “how well you are doing” or “how strong you are.” They might say something on the lines of “I don’t think I could survive if this happened to me.” This type of comment is meant to encourage us. The trouble us, it can cause us to shut down. We are living with turmoil and anxiety, and are often a million miles from doing well, and we need to be able to express this honestly without feeling that we’re letting people down. Any inappropriate comments or reactions can magnify our grief. It can hurt us so much, especially when it’s someone very close, such as a best friend, a close family member or our parent. Sometimes it feels as though we are losing other people in addition to losing child. None of us should feel alone in the heart-breaking aftermath of our child’s death. Yet it is common for bereaved parents to face this type of rejection or have to deal with these difficult reactions. It’s not only ourselves that have this experience. When we realise this, we can start finding our own strategies for coping. “I was surprised at the TCF support group that so many other parents had similar experiences. Some of my closest friends had quickly dismissed my grief, and I thought it was ‘me’, but it turns out this is not so uncommon.” What’s behind it all? Let’s look now at why people ignore bereaved parents or say insensitive things, before we look at how we might manage these reactions. There are so many possible reasons. Maybe they can’t cope with our pain. It is just too hard to see us broken and overwhelmed by sorrow. They may be uncomfortable or