Coping with friends family and social situations

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk embarrassed by our raw emotion. They may not have the first idea how to support us. Other parents might be frightened by what they see happening to us. They may avoid us because they do not want to dwell on the possibility that their own child could die, and/or the devastation this would bring. Some people have unrealistic expectations of us “getting over our grief” . There is a commonly held belief that grief is a time-limited process to be got through and that it has stages which follow steadily, one after another. It is often not until we have our own profound loss that we realise that grief is much messier than this. Grief never ends, just as love never ends, although it does become more manageable. Close friends and family can get frustrated with us because they want things to go back to the way they used to be. This is unrealistic of them. Our child’s death has changed us and we will never be quite the person we were before. Those who have not been bereaved of a child may not comprehend how overwhelming it is. Grieving for a child is a chaotic rollercoaster of a journey. There are ups and downs, one step forward, several steps back. A cheerful “you’re doing very well and remember, time heals” is unlikely to be of help or comfort! Other people may not realise how important it is to us to continue to have a connection with our child and keep their memory alive. We might keep talking about or to them, visit their grave or display their photos or possessions. We might wear some of their clothes or sit in their room. They may think that these behaviours are unhealthy or bizarre, whereas experts in bereavement recognise that these activities can be helpful in coping with grief. (You can read more about this in the TCF leaflet Remembering our child. )