Coping with friends family and social situations

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends In their eagerness to see us return to normal (which we never will), some people will believe that we should “focus on the living” . They don’t understand that at present this is simply not possible for us. Some people are silent because they believe that talking about our loss or our child would make things worse. They might feel they don’t want to remind us, while ignoring the obvious fact that we have never forgotten. “I asked my neighbour why they’d never made any reference to the fact my child had died. They said it was because they didn’t want to remind me of his death. They honestly thought I’d have times during the day when I’d forget!” Some people see grief as a problem that needs solving. They want to fix us. This might come from a place of good intentions, but grief cannot be “fixed”, at least not in the sense that they want. Grief is an experience to be supported, not solved. Some people may be uncomfortable about our involvement with organised grief support, whether through The Compassionate Friends or other groups. They may believe that this is keeping us in a dark place, rather than recognising the invaluable support we receive by speaking with other parents who have suffered the death of a child.