Coping with friends family and social situations

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk Building our self-confidence “My family keep telling me to move, because my home has so many sad memories as this is where my son died. But it also has so many happy memories of my son growing up. Perhaps I’ll move eventually, but not now.” As bereaved parents we may say or do things which appear unwise to others. We might make decisions that other people disagree with. For instance, we might not be ready to go back to work or go away on holiday as soon as other people think we should be. We need to trust our instincts. It can take a while to develop this sort of self-confidence, especially early on when we are so fragile, but in time this will be essential if we want to live a meaningful life honouring our child. It can be hard to stand up for ourselves, especially if the people expressing disapproval are close to us. Sometimes we only stand up in our minds, but on occasion we might need to speak up. Gently asserting ourselves will be better for our relationships in the long run, rather than continuing to feel hurt and misunderstood. This is not easy, especially when grief is fresh. On a similar note, it can be difficult to judge how much we should be honest with other people about what they are saying or doing that is hurting us. After all, they usually mean well. But in the early days of grief, we are in huge pain and trauma. Our world has been torn apart and we can feel very vulnerable. Things that people say or do that would never normally upset us can now cause us deep pain. Sometimes it is worthwhile telling them this.