Coping with friends family and social situations

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk Coping with family members For some families, a child’s death is like an explosion that causes relationships to be blown apart. Some of us have had family members not only ignore us, but even cut us off completely. Others make inappropriate comments on social media. This can be infuriating, as we have no control over what they post. Within our family there may be those who criticise us or our child, who imply that we’re to blame or we’re not handling our grief “correctly.” Some family members might feel we are not seeing their pain. After all, our child was also their family member and they too are bereaved. However, as parents we are suffering an immense and specific pain. We might not have enough emotional resources to support them, especially at the beginning. At this time of devastation, our priority is looking after ourselves and our immediate family. Family members could resent us for “spoiling” the family. This is quite irrational, because it is not as though we have chosen for our child to die! But nevertheless, some will be negative towards us. As discussed above, there can be many reasons for such difficult behaviour. Whatever the cause, it can result in lasting damage to our relationships. This can leave us both angry and disappointed. Some of us have found it is worthwhile being honest with our relatives. Letting them know what they’re doing or saying that is or isn’t helping us could be a way forward, although not all will respond. Sometimes being specific about they can do to help gives them an opening.