One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Yearning for our child “When I feel overwhelmed with the pain, I hold my son’s T-shirt and inhale his scent. It hurts, but reminds me that yes, he was here, and he will always be a part of me.” “Sometimes when I am desperately missing my child, I go to the cemetery. She’s not there, really, but the act of tidying up the grave, placing some fresh flowers, and having a chat is somehow comforting.” “I was very apprehensive about how I’d cope with my other child’s wedding. So, beforehand our immediate family met at a tree that we’d planted in dedication. We decorated the tree, held hands, and shared some sweet memories. That gave me the emotional energy I needed to focus on the wedding itself.” When we are overwhelmed with missing our child, we can try to connect with them through memory. There are so many ways we might do this, such as: • Devoting a spot in the home or garden to think about them • Tending to plants or a pet, something they loved or would have loved • Sewing their clothes into a cushion or a quilt • Organising photos • Writing a social media post with a picture, perhaps sharing a story about them • Enjoying a meal or drink that they liked • Lighting a candle • Reading about places they visited • Talking about them with family or friends • Listening to music that they enjoyed. (For more ideas, see TCF’s Handbook of ideas for remembering our child tcf.org.uk/rememberinghandbook) Any activity that gives us a sense of closeness to our child can be a comfort. Spending focussed time cherishing our child’s memory, in a specific time and space, is perhaps how we will manage to give ourselves permission to live.
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