One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Writing about our grief Writing can be another outlet for our thoughts and feelings. Depending on how we organise our writing, it can have similar advantages to speaking with someone. There is a beginning and an ending. There is a process of organising our thoughts. There are no limits to what we can write. The following method, known as Expressive Writing, can be helpful: 1. Write for 10 minutes per day. 2. Whatever you write about should be very important to you. 3. Write continuously; don’t worry about making sense or spelling. 4. Write only for yourself and feel free to keep or destroy what you write. 5. If you feel that writing about your sorrow is too upsetting, just stop. 6. Expressive writing can be painful for the moment, but it can bring real relief. (Google ‘expressive writing’ for more ideas and information about this activity.) Finding ways to distract ourselves “I go on the internet and look for places to visit in my area, like an unfamiliar café, shopping centre or park. Finding out the opening times and other details is a good distraction. Sometimes I spend more time researching and planning than on the actual visit! But it has served its purpose. An added bonus is that because I am going somewhere new, I’m making new memories.” There is a difference between distraction and avoidance. Avoidance means trying to stop ourselves from ever thinking about or experiencing our emotions. Ignoring our grief in this way does not help us deal with it. On the other hand, it is sometimes helpful to distract ourselves. In fact, it can be important to find ways of breaking the cycle of persistent troubling thoughts. This could mean: • Leaving the room, and perhaps going outside if we can. If we have limited mobility, we can simply turn around and face the opposite direction. A very small change in our surroundings can be enough to shift our thought patterns. • Accomplishing something. This can be as quick and straightforward as
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