UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk cleaning out a kitchen drawer, watering the plants or answering an email. • Communicating with someone. Picking up the phone or popping round for a visit might take a lot of effort, but it might be just what we need at this moment. • Turning on the TV. Engaging with an interesting programme or film might be enough to divert our thoughts temporarily. • Trying to find a positive thought to replace a painful one. Thinking about how our child is no longer here is painful; bringing to mind a happy memory of our time together is another side to our life’s story. Many of us have family or work commitments which require our attention. Although we may not find it easy to focus on anything else, it can give our mind a short break from the unrelenting pain of grief. Seeking calm and a ‘safe harbour’ “Some time after my child died, I started going to a craft class once a week. It absorbed all my attention. It was the one hour in the week when I could breathe.” Imagine that each of us is a little boat floating on the sea of our grief. Sometimes the wind is howling and the waves are very high, threatening to sink us. The boat urgently needs to find a safe harbour. In the same way, if we feel as though our emotions and thoughts are sinking us, then it is important to seek calm. Here are some ideas for finding a safe harbour, even if only for a few moments. Breathing Deep breathing is very helpful as it calms the nervous system. Here’s one method: • Close your eyes and focus on your breathing • Breathe in as slowly, deeply and gently as you can, through your nose • Hold your breath for a second or two • Breathe out slowly, deeply and gently through your mouth. This can be varied by counting from one to five for each in and out breath, or using a mantra we devise, such as, I am breathing in calm. I am breathing out tension. Some people find stamping with their foot helps them control their breathing. Practices such as yoga or Tai Chi can also be beneficial.
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