Coping with special occasions

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | www.tcf.org.uk Family and friends’ occasions Happy occasions for our friends and family can cause us anxiety and bring our grief to the forefront. Their celebrations for a university graduation or other achievement will be a reminder of things our child can no longer hope to achieve. Although we can be happy for the people at the centre of the proceedings, there will always be a sadness in our heart. It can be difficult not to compare their joy with our grief. Weddings of family and friends, particularly those of an age similar to what our child would have been, can be very painful. These occasions can drive home the reality that we will never see our child marry, or they will remind us of our child’s wedding day and what should have been. We might not always want to attend such events. We may fear that our presence will put a cloud over the day for other people. Depending on our relationship with the organisers, it could be a good idea to talk about this with them. Explaining how hard we may find the occasion may help us make a decision together about attending or not, or we may decide to attend for only a short while rather than the entire event. “The marriage of my late son’s fiancée was too painful for me to attend. I showed my support by looking after her much-loved dog during the ceremony.” Marek Sometimes the celebrants will be happy to give a short and loving reference to our child. This public acknowledgement can bring us some comfort, but not everyone will find it appropriate. If we go expecting our child’s name to be mentioned, we will probably feel very glad if this happens, but we may need to prepare ourselves that it may not. If ours is a blended (step) family, not every member of the family will share, or be able to understand, our feelings of sorrow or anxiety on such occasions. See the TCF leaflet Grieving child loss in blended and step families for more on this topic see tcf.org.uk/blendedfamilies