Coping with special occasions

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Funerals and memorial services Funerals we attend after our own child’s can be highly emotional. Whether or not they are held in the same venue, the funeral will bring back memories of our child’s service. Even if we are trying to think of the person we have come to commemorate, our hearts and minds may be overwhelmed with memories and sadness for our child. On the other hand, some of us find it comforting to hear the readings, listen to the music and be near the other people we are close to. Explaining our concerns in advance can help others understand if things become too much and we decide to leave early. Cultural and religious festivals Throughout the year there are dozens of public, religious and cultural events and festivals. Some of these are inescapable. Preparations can last for months, and seem to confront us at every turn. Our own feelings about these events may not be the same as they used to be. We may find the celebrations leave us feeling more isolated in our grief, or they may provide a welcome pause from the daily grind of life and a chance to reflect. We may be unsure how much to be involved. Will we want to give presents, attend a place of worship, join others in a meal or a fast, go to a family party? We may decide to do some or none of these things in order to protect ourselves from emotional pain. On the other hand, although it may be difficult, we may also need to consider the needs of our other children and grandchildren, especially if they are young. For their sake we may feel we should continue with our usual traditions. If religion or culture are part of our identity, we may need to balance our feelings of grief with our obligations. We might decide to continue our usual involvement, even if it is difficult, to avoid feeling guilt for not fulfilling our duties, and also to avoid hurting others. We may find reassurance and comfort in the familiar rituals. This balance may shift as the occasion comes around year after year.