Coping with special occasions

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends It can be difficult to cope with special occasions when we have been bereaved of our child. Some events are specific to them, such as their birthday or the anniversary of their death. Then there are occasions for family and friends, and for ourselves too, like our own birthdays. Other special events include public, religious or cultural festivals such as Mother’s and Father’s Days, Christmas, Eid, Diwali or Hanukkah. We may find ourselves particularly anxious at any of these occasions. Significant dates and special occasions inevitably arrive each year. We won’t know quite how we will feel until the time comes, but many of us have found it helps to plan and prepare in advance. Sometimes it’s the lead up to the significant date that ends up being more painful than the occasion itself. In this leaflet we look at general ideas for coping, and then some specifics for particular types of occasion. Ideas for coping that can apply to any type of special occasion Involving others We each develop our own ways of coping with our grief. Sometimes we may want to openly mark a special occasion, finding ways to commemorate our child. At other times, we may want to hide away in a safe space. If there are other people involved in the event, such as our partner, other children or close family and friends, it is important we let them know how we feel and what we want to do. It is also worthwhile for us to try to recognise what those around us may need or want. It can be difficult to agree to a plan which suits everyone, so we might need to be prepared to compromise. Coping with special occasions