Coping with special occasions

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | www.tcf.org.uk Mother’s and Father’s Days Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are well-publicised commercial events which can be stressful for bereaved parents, even if we have other children who wish to celebrate with us. If we have been bereaved of our only child or all of our children, these dates are heart-breaking reminders of the void left by their loss. In addition, if our own parents are still living, we might feel upset by conflicting emotions. Some of us try to ignore Mother’s and Father’s Days. For instance, it is often possible to opt out of marketing emails, and to avoid eating out during that weekend. On the other hand, we may develop our own ways of marking the days. Although our child is not here to offer us their good wishes, the love shared between us continues. Acts of remembrance or perhaps giving ourselves some sort of treat on their behalf might feel appropriate. We might want to display an old card or note of love from our deceased child. These are small ways of acknowledging that we are still our child’s parent, even though they are sadly no longer here with us. “I like to perform a random act of kindness on Mother’s Day in honour of my son. Something simple such as paying for a stranger’s coffee. It gives me a lift on a difficult day.” Julia Other children or grandchildren If we have other children, whether our own or our partner’s, or if we have grandchildren, we may find ourselves needing to organise or participate in celebrations for their sakes, even when we don’t feel like it. The birthday of another of our children can be a challenge. We might be grieving and desperately sad, as they may also be, but we won’t want to spoil the day for them. They may not want to be reminded of their grief at this moment. Younger children may simply focus on the fun of their special day. Coping with our own mixture of feelings while managing the