One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends The death of a child is probably the worst thing that can happen to any parent, whatever the cause. It can be a struggle to carry on with life and to cope with the pain, sorrow and anger that engulf us. To make matters worse, we may also have to deal with judgemental reactions from people who are critical of our child for a variety of reasons. Feeling that we or our child are being criticised or rejected is difficult even in normal circumstances. Following our bereavement, it can feel almost unbearable. Understanding what may be happening and how we can cope with it is the subject of this leaflet. “Death with stigma” & “disenfranchised grief” We may face negative, disapproving reactions if our child died as a result of: • drug, alcohol or solvent use • illnesses such as anorexia and bulimia • dangerous occupational or recreational activities • accidents for which they may have been responsible • suicide. Criticism could also be related to circumstances that may or may not have anything to do with their death, for example: • their expressions of gender or sexuality • their choices regarding religion or lack of it • involvement in crime, gangs or prostitution • any other matter that is outside the traditions of our family or culture. As a result, there can be stigma attached to our child’s life and/or death. We may find ourselves enduring “disenfranchised grief”. Coping with stigma and judgmental attitudes following the death of our child
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