One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends extreme. If we are a blended family, our partner may have their own children. We could feel left out of the joy of living, with our own life feeling curtailed and somewhat hopeless, whereas their lives continue. This could cause us to feel resentful. We may choose to disengage from some family events and celebrations, for our own self-preservation, at least until we feel like we are on top of our grief. Hopefully we can talk this through with our partner and they will understand our current limitations. Other issues that grieving couples may face Guilt and anger Many bereaved parents feel guilt or regret. This is usually without foundation, but we may still feel somewhat responsible for what has happened or for letting our child down. Feelings like these can cause us to spiral downwards, and no amount of convincing otherwise by our partner may help. We will need to find peace within ourselves. This could be a long and difficult journey. However, these feelings could also turn outwards. Rather than blame ourselves, we may start to blame someone or something else for this tragedy. This could even include our own child for their life decisions, such as substance use or their choice of partner. As a couple, we could also blame each other for some of what has taken place. We may have had different styles of parenting or different expectations. We could start to resent each other for past decisions, or even lash out in anger. Our own thoughts and feelings may be quite mixed up. It often helps to be able to talk through these issues to try to make some sense or everything, but our partner may see things very differently. This could be very difficult for our relationship.
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