Grieving Couples

UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk Any of this could isolate us from each other, just when we most need our mutual support. In our deep grief, it may feel exhausting to try and bridge these gaps with more communication, but this is worthwhile if we want to continue in our relationship. If things do become heated, then it may help to talk with someone else, a neutral party. Sexual issues “At the start, I avoided touch because it made me so emotional, but my partner still had needs. They were hurt that I was not willing to engage in sexual activity. We got through this rough period by giving each other space. Eventually we worked out a compromise. It’s still not perfect, but it’s the best we can manage in these fraught circumstances.” Our sexual relationship could become more difficult. For some bereaved parents, allowing ourselves any pleasure can feel almost an insult to our child. We may feel guilty and upset with ourselves, or with our partner. For others, sex is associated with closeness and comfort, and is symbolic of our shared love for our family. Intimacy with our loving partner can provide a brief respite from the searing intensity of grief. Lack of affection can feel like a rejection. An added tension can arise from the fact that reproduction is connected to sexual activity. This could leave one of us feeling quite distressed and emotional about the idea of having sex, whereas the other may be happy about it. They could even be hopeful of conceiving another child, if this is a physical possibility. On top of all of this, either or both of us might be affected by the intense tiredness and low mood that often accompanies grief.

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