One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends There are no right or wrong ways to have intimacy while we are grieving. If what we need is very different from our partner, we will both need patience with each other. Simple affection and the warmth of loving arms around each other may be the first step to solving any differences. It will be helpful if we can manage to communicate together about this subject. Spiritual issues Previously, we may have shared spiritual beliefs and religious practices, but these may change following the death of our child. One of us may find support and strength in our long-held faith, with prayer, meditation or attending services becoming a mainstay of our grieving. For the other, religion could become a focus for rage at a god who could allow our child to die, and our beliefs can fall apart, at least in the short term. Alternatively, one, or both of us, may have been sure that this life is all there is, but now find that our search for meaning or for comfort has drawn us to religion. If one of us changes our beliefs radically, it can drive a wedge between us. Relatives and relationships Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters, and if our child was an adult, their partner and children, will have their own grief for our child. They will also have their own views on subjects ranging from funeral arrangements to aspects of our child’s life and death. Some members of our family may have more traditional views which may or may not coincide with our own. One side of the family may have quite different cultural or religious traditions to the other. Tensions can arise over these differences. Although it is sometimes difficult to navigate, it is important that, as a couple, we make our own decisions and find our own peace about our child. We should not allow any external pressures to make this difficult time even
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