Grieving couples

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends In a loving relationship we try to support and care for one other through good times and bad. Usually, when we are down, our partner will attempt to lift our spirits. But when our child dies, we are both faced with unimaginable grief and despair which are liable to engulf us as individuals. We may be drawn closer to our partner, as we struggle together to survive our family tragedy. However, we may experience and express our grief so differently that our relationship becomes strained, and existing difficulties can be made worse. Our suffering is so great that we may struggle to find the emotional resources to support each other, as well as care for other members of our immediate family. Underlying all this is the thought that we are powerless: we both know that nothing can bring our beautiful child back. How we grieve As individuals, our personalities and background can cause us to grieve differently. Each of us carries our past history of earlier losses and bereavements but the death of a child introduces a new dimension of grief. On top of this, it is generally accepted that there are male and female models of grief, although not all men follow the “male” model, nor all women the “female.” Regardless of our genders, we may find there are differences in how each of us grieve. The “masculine” or instrumental form of grief tends towards holding in thoughts and not speaking about feelings. This type of grief is more controlled and may show itself through keeping busy, often Grieving couples