UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk “He likes to ‘fix’ things and seems to feel inadequate when he can’t, but this is not something that can be fixed.” In an ideal world, we will each be there for each other, holding each other through this most painful of experiences, with patience and consideration for our individual grief. However, the reality for many couples is not always so simple. If our partner grieves in a way that is very different to our own, we can both feel unsupported and misunderstood at times. If one of us needs to keeping talk about our child and our pain from their death, we can feel hurt if our partner seems reluctant to have this type of conversation. On the other hand, one of us may find it too painful to speak about our loss. Even the mention of our child’s name brings our deep pain to the surface, and we would rather this was not the case. Even if we do grieve in similar ways, there are still going to be times when we are out of step with each other. Grief does not proceed in a steady path – it is more of a rollercoaster. There may be times when one of us feels the grief more intensely than the other. Perhaps one of us wants to take a breather and try to relax, and the other is unable to think about anything but their grief at the moment. In addition, grief can amplify our normal reactions, making us extra sensitive to perceived slights. Being aware that we all grieve differently and that our grief is not going to be consistent can help us avoid resentment towards our partner. Instead, we can work towards helping each other through the heartbreak.
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