One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Supporting each other “I try to give her space. She sometimes seems to get more comfort being alone with her thoughts than with me. I know we still love each other. This is just something we need to get through the best we can.” Although we may remind ourselves that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, it’s hard if our journey through grief does not feel in sync. Still, our partner is our greatest ally as we both try to cope with this immeasurable loss. The love we share that has brought us together can also help us survive. There are a few things that may help if we feel out of step with our partner: • Giving each other space and encouragement to grieve in the way that is best for each of us • Not criticising or judging our partner’s style of grieving • Not feeling any guilt about grieving separately at times. Although we may get comfort together, we probably also each need our own space at times • Finding things to do together to remember our child and keep their memory alive. Simply sharing memories is important • Not being in a hurry or under pressure to decide what to do about their belongings • Having other people, such as family members and friends, who we can talk with so we do not lean too heavily on each other • Recognising that the death of our child may impact us in different ways on a daily basis. For instance, perhaps one of us was the primary caregiver and our days are now empty. We are facing the worst days of our life, and we need to give ourselves and each other permission to cope in the best way we can.
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