Grieving couples

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends Families Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters might form the larger circle of our family. Each one will have their own grief for our child, as well as their own views on subjects ranging from funeral arrangements to aspects of our child’s life and death. Some members of our family may have more traditional views which may or may not coincide with our own. One side of the family may have quite different cultural or religious traditions to the other. Tensions can arise over these differences. It is important that, as a couple, we make our own decisions and find our own peace about our child, and do not allow any external pressures to make this difficult time even more so. For example, while we can take into account the wishes and preferences of our family members as we prepare for our child’s funeral, it is ultimately our own wishes and preferences that need to take precedence. Time span Feelings of grief do not have an allotted time span. How we deal with our grief will differ as we differ as individuals. This will be true over time. We may experience different aspects of grief as the days, weeks, months and years pass by. Although it is likely that we shall share the raw devastation of our grief immediately after our child’s death, how we react subsequently will vary as individually we learn to bear our loss. For a relationship this means that on any given day one of us may be feeling extremely fragile and distressed while our partner is feeling more even and at ease. In a week’s time it is highly possible that these positions become reversed, with one of us slipping down as the other gains strength. When we are in a specific mood state, it