Grieving couples

UK Helpline: 0 345 123 23 0 4 | tcf.org.uk is difficult for us to fully imagine feeling a very different emotion. What’s more, we may resist giving our full attention to our partner’s tears, for fear we will lose the hold we have over our own sorrow and therefore fall into despair ourselves. But if we are able to put these fears aside, we can continue to act as a supportive partner over the years to come. Support from outside the family can be vital – from professionals such as bereavement counsellors, or from friends. If we have genuine concerns about our partner’s wellbeing we should encourage them to seek help via their GP. If they refuse all help but appear to us to be at some kind of risk, we can talk in confidence to our own GP about our concerns. The way forward Each of us has a special relationship with our child, living or not. We are still their parents, and they have their own place in our hearts. As we replay and record the story of our son’s or daughter’s life and death, we can acknowledge the role each of us played. Our shared memories can be a great source of comfort. Our way forward includes accepting that our partner may be expressing their grief differently to ourselves. It does not indicate that one of us loves our child less or more. It is simply that we have our own ways of coping. Speaking about our child and our loss is not better or worse than silent withdrawal; it is our individual preference, although it may be hard for our partner to bear. Our relationship may become strained, as grief can be an emotional see-saw – when one is up, the other is down. But if we stay aware and sensitive to each other’s moods, we can make it through. We need time and privacy to grieve as individuals, and also to have time together.