Grieving For More Than One Child

UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | www.tcf.org.uk We might find that it is not possible to replicate what we did in memory of one child with our subsequent children. For instance, if we had dedicated a tree or a bench, we might not be able to afford to do something similar in our current circumstances. This could lead to misunderstandings amongst family members who, without knowing the reasons, might feel we are somehow ‘showing favouritism’ to one child over the other. There may also be questions of fairness if we live in a blended family and the children who died are from different parents. Good communications with our partner are important. As far as other family members, explaining our reasons could help, although we should also remember that we are the parents of our children, and these decisions are ours to make. If we have surviving children Our sense of confidence in the world as a safe and logical place, in which bad things rarely happen, has been shattered, perhaps repeatedly. Given that more than one of our children has already died, it will not be surprising if we feel fearful about what could happen to our surviving children or grandchildren. The cause of death maybe a major factor here. For example, if a genetic condition led to our children’s deaths, these fears might be justified. We may be living with the knowledge that one or more of our remaining children has a life-limiting condition, too. Our lack of control over the randomness of life can be very difficult to accept or manage. If one or more of our children died as a result of an accident or suicide, then we may worry that something similar will end their siblings’ life prematurely. It is important that we acknowledge our fears. Otherwise, they might unintentionally impact our children or our parenting – for example, by making us overprotective. It may not be possible to