Grieving For More Than One Child

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends completely erase our worries, but we may be able to identify some useful coping strategies. For instance, if our child died as a result of a mental or physical health issue, we might want to talk with a specialist in that area who can advise us about the condition and anything that can be done to prevent or manage similar occurrence in our remaining children. Whether or not there is a specific professional who can advise us, we may wish to seek out some form of support where we can talk through our fears in a safe space, such as with a counsellor or a trusted friend. As they grow up, children who were very young or born after the death of their sibling or siblings often suffer from a grief that they may not be able to express. To help them have a degree of relationship, we might put together a book or album about our deceased children’s lives. This sharing of stories can support the younger child in an imaginative way and help them feel that they are part of the wider family story. Coming to terms with a life without children For some of us, the death of our children means that we now have no surviving children, and no hope of grandchildren unless they have already been born. This may change the way we see ourselves and our future. We have lost our role as parent, and we may feel a lack of direction in our present life; it can take a long time to discover what our new identity might be. For younger parents, we may have been trying repeatedly for a successful pregnancy. After facing the death of our babies either before or after birth, we might now have to contend with the realisation that we will not be able to have children of our own. Other parents will have had a child or children living at home. We now face an abrupt end to our years of active parenting. Even if our children were adults and living their own lives, we still had a role to play, perhaps with the sense of friendship that can accompany