One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends We do not expect to outlive our children, and being bereaved of a child of any age is devastating. The death of an adult child, who was living their own life, had a circle of friends and perhaps a career and a family, raises a range of issues for us as parents. Grief can be complex. We are probably feeling a profound sense of loss, along with intense sorrow. We may also experience anger, guilt, anxiety and many other emotions. Our world has changed forever, with the ending of hopes and dreams for our child’s future, and perhaps also for our own. We may feel guilty, wondering why we are alive when our child has died. We may worry about the wellbeing of our child’s own children, if they had them. We may have to contend with some unexpected and hurtful responses. Some people may believe that because our child was an adult, the pain of losing them is not as great as if they were younger. They cannot see that the role of a parent lasts for all of our lives, and our hearts are broken. For many of us, losing an adult child is also losing a friend. We met up for coffee, went shopping together or chatted on the phone. They could have been a help with the practical challenges of day-to-day living, including technology. Our child may have been our trusted advisor for important decisions. If we are elderly or in poor health, we may have relied on them for support or transportation. If we have no other children, or at least no children who are able to take on this role, we may worry about the future. How will our life end up, especially if we have no partner? Grieving for our adult child (from 18 to 80)
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