UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk Where our child was living Our adult child could have been 20, 40 or 60 years of age, but they were still our child. They may have lived close by or even with us, allowing us to continue to enjoy their companionship, or they may have been living at a distance. They may have settled in their own home, either alone or with a partner and family of their own. We became used to their absence and the empty bedroom, but things are different now. Now, we are no longer able to message them, speak together on the phone, or look forward to visits. Alternatively, we might not have seen our child much in recent years. Perhaps their own lives took them many miles away, or maybe they even broke off contact with us for some reason. Now that they are gone, we may find ourselves looking back with regret that we missed seeing them for so long. If there was a rift, we have lost the opportunity to find out what caused it and to make the relationship good again. “My child returned to live with me for economic reasons after a few years of independent living. It took a while for us to get used to each other again as adults, but in the end this arrangement turned out well and we enjoyed each other’s company. Their death has left a massive gap and I feel very lonely.” Our child may instead have been living in the family home. This could have been for convenience, or there may have been specific reasons such as their health needs. Perhaps they needed our support on account of physical or mental illness, disability or problems with alcohol or drugs. Their absence now will have left a huge void in our daily routine. On the other hand, it may have been that our child was caring for us. We may now need to seek out alternative support for our care needs. This can be destabilising and cause extra pressure which may compound our grief. Whatever the reasons for them to have been living with us, their absence will affect us very deeply.
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