One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends “I haven’t seen or heard from my grandchildren for four years - it is absolutely heartbreaking and I have no idea why their father has refused to let us be a part of their lives, My daughter would be so upset.” Sadly, our child’s partner may choose to break off contact with us. To be deprived not only of our child, but also of contact with our grandchildren, is extremely hurtful. We may not even know the reasons. In order to keep the door open for future contact, it may help if we try not to respond angrily. Staying calm and positive may offer the best chance of contact being resumed at a later date. However, this may not be until our grandchildren are older and can make their own decisions. Some of us have found comfort in writing letters we do not send to our grandchildren, in the hope that we’ll be able to share these words with them in the future. On the other hand, we may have a very different situation, where we find ourselves taking on parental responsibility for grandchildren. This may be due to our child having been a single parent, or their partner not being able to care for them. There may be a legal process to formalise this relationship. Having grandchildren to take care of may be welcome and bring us great joy. Yet taking on the role and responsibilities of parenting at this stage of life may also present some difficulties. We may not have the physical and emotional stamina we once had. Having young children or teenagers under our roof once more is a major life adjustment. This may have an impact on our job, our finances and our living arrangements, and perhaps change the plans we had made for our later years. The changing relationship with our child’s partner or with their children can be a lot to cope with. We may find it helpful if there is someone we can confide in, outside the family, about how things are going and how we are feeling. This could be a trusted friend or in a support group such as those run by The Compassionate Friends.
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