One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends worrying that we missed something or did something wrong. We may feel it is our fault even when the professionals reassure us otherwise. If our baby died unexpectedly, whether at home or in hospital, there are certain formal procedures that will be followed to ensure that no one caused deliberate harm to the infant. The police may investigate the circumstances, and this can be very upsetting. Information gathered by the police will be passed on to the Coroner’s Office (or the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland). Even when officials are understanding and tactful it still feels like an intrusion into our tragedy. Coping with what happens next “When I got back home, I ran my hands over the neat pile of her clothes in disbelief. It did not seem real. It could not be. These are her clothes, ready for her, but she never will wear them. In memory I can still feel the soft fabric between my fingers.” Whatever the circumstances of our baby’s death, even if we had been told to expect it, we will be in a state of shock. We may be numb with disbelief and denial, or we may experience the full force of our emotions. If our baby had been cared for in hospital, hopefully the staff have been sensitive to our needs. They should have been able to explain things to us as things progressed, although we might not have taken all of the information on board. It may be only later that we will realise that we have unanswered questions and will need to return to understand more of what happened. Our time with our baby will have been precious, and staff should have helped make it possible for us to hold our baby, if this was an option. If we have other children, we might have brought them to meet their little sibling. Depending upon their ages and level of maturity, they may have limited understanding of what was taking place.
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