UK Helpline: 0345 123 2304 | tcf.org.uk Leaving the hospital where our baby was cared for and died is a painful wrench. When we return home without them, we feel empty and at a loss about what to do next. Home will bear many reminders of their presence, whether or not they ever came there. A physical space will have been prepared; there will be baby supplies, clothes, toys and equipment. We cannot begin to imagine what to do with everything, and we will need time to grasp the reality of our loss. If it was known that our baby’s life was limited and we brought them home, then there will be precious but very difficult memories in this place. Each room will carry an echo of their presence. Our feelings It’s not surprising that the death of our baby has thrust us into deep mourning. We may experience strong emotions of grief, sadness and despair. We may feel guilty and inadequate as a parent that we could not keep our baby alive, even though we have done our very best for them. We may sometimes feel resentful and jealous of other mothers. We could feel anger towards other people as we need to place blame even when there is none. As a biological mother, the intensity of our grief could be made worse by natural factors. Our bodies may still be responding as if our baby was alive. It takes time to recover physically from giving birth and this healing is a cruel reminder of what we have lost. Our bodies may be in hormonal turmoil and our breasts aching to feed our baby. A partner will share some of these emotions of grief, but may deal with them differently. They may feel helpless, desperate to make things right and be a support to us, yet this is not entirely within their control. If we are a lone parent, we may be dealing with the emotional and practical consequences of the death of our baby without much support. Perhaps there is nobody to witness the depths of our sadness and grief, although hopefully we have some family members or close friends who stand with us. (For more on this, please see the TCF Leaflet: The bereaved lone parent.)
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