Grieving for Our Young Child (2-10)

One of a series of leaflets published by The Compassionate Friends becomes an issue, we may decide to ask a designated parent or friend to help us manage some of the posts or photos. Taking care of ourselves We will need to make a special effort to take care of ourselves in the midst of our grief. This includes physical care – eating well, getting rest and exercising – as well as emotional and psychological care. It can help to talk with others, or perhaps to try to write down our feelings. Participating in activities which have previously helped us to relax may be a good idea, such as walking in nature, baking, crafting, listening to music or reading. Above all, we need to be kind to ourselves and not apply pressure by trying desperately to do all we used to do. Our life has changed, and we need time and space for this massive adjustment. If we can take time to look after ourselves physically and emotionally, it may help us psychologically. However, some of us find that self-care is not sufficient, and we are too overwhelmed by our loss. If that is our situation, we can turn to our GP for signposting to services such as bereavement counselling. We are fortunate if we have friends and family members who try to support and understand us in our loss. On the other hand, it is not uncommon to find that some established friendships falter, as people struggle knowing what to say. We may even find that some friends and acquaintances avoid us. This might be their first encounter with the death of a young child, and they may be at a loss to know how to express condolences or offer support. Some people’s comments, while well-meaning, can come across as insensitive and even hurtful. To be told that our child’s death “was probably for the best”, that we can “try again for another baby” or that our child “was an angel that went to heaven” may not be any comfort. Similarly, remarks about us having other children, as if this might be a comfort, could make us feel particularly misunderstood.